Still Haven't Heard Gangnam Style

November 29, 2012: I am in the back seat of a car with other people and Gangnam Style starts playing on the radio. There is nothing I can do to stop it. By the time I realize what it is, it’s too late. I tell myself “at least I haven’t seen the video,” but part of me knows it doesn’t matter anymore. Nothing matters anymore.

Fuck.

October 30, 2012: I am partially exposed to Gangnam Style through the latest episode of South Park, in which it is parodied.

I am warned about this beforehand by a concerned reader of this Tumblr blog, and so I watch that section of the episode on mute, but I still see some of the South Park characters dressed in blue blazers, performing what I’m assuming is the same choreography displayed on the Gangnam Style video. It appears to be a combination between a Russian folk dance and the Macarena.

October 18, 2012: The local newspaper has a photo of Hugh Jackman with his arms crossed and legs spread out, standing next to a pudgy Asian man repeating the same pose. Both of them have Wolverine claws on them.

The caption informs me that this man is PSY, author of the Gangnam Style. Somehow, he looks exactly as I imagined him, minus the claws.

September 30, 2012: Someone on my Facebook feed announces that Gangnam Style is over because “PSY” will collaborate on a project with Justin Bieber. This is followed by disheartened and outraged comments.

I quickly gather that PSY is the person who performs and most likely created the Gangnam Style song or dance, but I still don’t know what he looks like.

September 20, 2012: I first learn about Gangnam Style through two “I don’t know what Gangnam Style is” jokes on Twitter. Soon I’m seeing parodies everywhere. I decide I will try to avoid listening to whatever this is for as long as I can.

July 12, 2012: Gangnam Style is released, according to Wikipedia, but I haven’t heard about it yet.